Making Beanies, Making Stories, Listening to... Christmas Music?

I've been making a lot of hats. To sell. Remember?

I've been averaging about 2 a day. I would like to be able to do a little bit more, but I have to do other things like entertain my child and fix meals and clean. It's a travesty, I know. Fortunately, E thinks that cleaning is just about the most fun a kid can have, so at least the latter (lattest?) is entertaining. She gets a big kick out of stealing her baby wipes with which to clean various surfaces . Apparently, it takes half a pack to clean her Little Tykes car (sigh). And tonight I had a much-needed coffee group outing with the other ladies from S's battalion. I always look forward to those, and this one was especially fun because A) I didn't have to host it, B) the colonel's wife hosted and she always has the most fun foods--I swear, that woman is a pinterester's dream. She also had the entire house smelling like apple cider and it was decorated like a Martha Stewart orgasm. Loved it. C) We had some new faces--it's usually the same 6-8 of us that show up to those things, but this time we had like 13 ladies in attendance (and one 7-year-old and one 6-month old). And D) because it helps me feel like a real live human being.

So, yeah... Another reason why I am not cranking them out. Here are the two I did yesterday, though:

Ooh, looks like I missed a stitch--need to go back and fix that (oops). I really like how this one looks, but boy did it take a long time to make!

This one was commissioned by a friend for her nephew.

Please excuse the fact that I look the pictures with my cell phone and on the sink in the master bath. I was crocheting in bed and then felt the need to take pictures immediately upon finishing. Voila. Now you know what kind of crappy counters we have.

I'll post the ones I worked on today when I get around to it--I did some newsboy caps which are particularly adorable, especially on cute little toddler heads. Let me know if you would like to commission one--remember, anything I make from them is going directly into our adoption fund.

And, before going to sleep, I have gotten back into the habit of writing before sleeping. Which is weird, because my writing hour used to be first thing in the morning. Now, that seems like some sort of personal brand of torture. No more for this night owl. I'm only doing about 1000 words a night, which isn't bad, but isn't great. But, because I am working on something that takes place in the dead of... snow... there is lots of Christmas music. I know, I know, it isn't even October yet, Halloween hasn't taken place much less Thanksgiving, but I roll on the Costco timeline. Which roughly translates to: the Christmas season begins at the end of July.  Thank you, Costco, for keeping the spirit ever alive. (And I say this with not a hint of sarcasm).

Anyway, when I originally came up with this story, it was sometime in the November/December plane of existence, because the radio stations were playing Christmas music (which I am a total sucker for). I had gone with S to work for something or other, and while he ran inside (this had to be winter of 2007 for anyone who's counting), I listened to the music and came up with a story to go along with it. I kept meaning to write it down, but never really did. And now that I am ready for it, I need the music to get me in the mood. And it's working like a charm, I might add. Go Mormon Tabernacle Choir/Air Force Band. You guys rock.

Crafting and Stuff...

I'm not much of a crafter... And by that I mean, I don't feel the need to craft on a regular basis. Sometimes, I find myself wanting to make something for E or myself, but that's really pretty rare and happens in spurts (usually in the fall... don't ask me why). But, since the hope to adopt is alive and well, I've started crafting in hopes of making a little extra money to go towards that. In the last three days, when I haven't been making macaroni and cheese or running errands of the grocery shopping variety, I have been crocheting.

Now, I'm not entirely sure how to go about selling these things. It's quite obvious that the Etsy market is pretty flooded with this kind of thing. And I really have no desire to pay an overhead fee on top of a paypal fee.... So, if you have any good selling suggestions please let me know. I am by no means ready to let loose and get selling today, but I thought I would share what I have so far, anyway.

Pixie hat with snowflake

Same hat, different view

I'm not sure that I like this clip...

0-3 month hat with snowflake (is that a loose string?)

Toddler hat with snowflake (E thinks it should be hers. She keeps hiding it in the pantry)

0-3 snowflake hat

Snowflake bow

 

As you can tell.... I have a snowflake theme.

(Also, totally need to do some shaping on the hats before taking real live buy-me pictures... especially of the snowflakes!)

Recollecting a Goiter

Me (while looking at www.weather.com): Ugh, it's going to be warm tomorrow.

S:Whosawhatsits?

Me: It's going to be warm. 73.

S: (Makes a weird what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you face)

Me: What? I like fall. I like the sixties.

S: It is good sweatshirt weather...

Me: See? I can be a bum all of the time and no one can blame me.

Except, perhaps, for Overly Sensitive Military Wives (OSMW). They hate sweatshirts and jeans. But, you know what, they can kiss my Ga Tech sweatshirt wearing behind.

Anyway... Know what else fall means? Warm clothes for the kiddo! Except, erm... I put her in her jeans (which fit perfectly right now... well, with the elastic inside band pulled as tight as possible) and one of my favorite long-sleeved shirts... And her belly button was hanging out.

Tragedy, guys. A massive tragedy.

It's such a cute shirt, too. It's from Gap, long sleeved, with a pink sparkly poodle on the front and a little tulle tutu edge at the hem. Adorable. And now, relegated to the pack-me-away pile. After doing some quick reconnaissance of the 3T clothes--

(Me: How do you spell reconnaissance? S: r-e-c... (etc). You know, you could use reconnoiter. That's a weird one. Me: What does that mean? Is it a goiter that you recall in your mind? S:I'm going to just... watch... football...now...)

--And 3T clothes? Not so many. We have one pair of jeans, but the jeans are still a little long (her torso always grows faster than her legs) a couple dresses and about 4 shirts. No sweaters. Since S had staff duty last night (aka 24 hours of mandatory babysitting) and came home to sleep this morning, I took the munchkin out to the mall to see if we could find her some clothes for the increasingly chilly weather (the highs have been in the mid sixties... W00t). We hit the jackpot at Baby Gap, and came home with this treasure trove of goodies:

 

(Pretend you see another long-sleeved shirt like the cat one, only with a dog on it... No picture on gap.com *sad face*)

 

 

I'm not entirely sure how we ended up leaving with only black and white clothing, but at least I won't have to worry about matching... I  got a great deal, though. Everything was on clearance and was eligible for an additional 25% off, and then I get a 10% off military discount (Tacoma Mall Gap FTW! The one at my parents' mall won't give a military discount on top of a discount... suckage). The most expensive thing I bought her was the dress, and it came out to $11.47. Everything else was around $5 a piece. I couldn't have spent that on used clothes at a consignment sale, ya'll.

 

And yet, I feel guilty. I love shopping for my kiddo, and obviously she needed the clothes, but it would have been so much better for our adoption fund if she just held off on the growth spurt a little bit. Seriously, child isn't even 2 yet, and she still measures in the 97th percentile (in height) for 2-year-olds (she's in the 50th for weight).  I'm glad I was able to get a good deal, and I seriously wish I didn't feel like I had to watch my pennies...

 

I didn't buy anything for myself, though. So, I guess this means I have to wear jeans and sweatshirts all fall... Darn...

 



Elevenses and High Tea

Last night, shortly before launching the snowflake puzzle pieces, I went to a talk hosted by Kennesaw State University's Fitness for Living program. Dr. Dan Bernadot of Georgia State University (and a whole host of other organizations, to include several US Olympic teams) was the guest speaker and discussed daily energy balance and its role in obesity and weight management (and building lean muscle mass).

It was very informative, and I definitely encourage you to look him and his research up. He was the first person to explain that "eat six small meals a day" idea people are always throwing out with some real scientific evidence... And since I'm usually all about the science, I have been converted. Essentially, what I took away from his talk is that, throughout the day, your body should never have more than 400 calories of excess energy and should never dip below -400 calories. Too much: it's stored as fat. Too little: your body stores what you have given it as fat. Tough balance to keep... Well, good news is: there's an app for that. (No, really. There is.)

I am definitely one of those individuals who falls into that 2-3 meals a day category. I try not to snack because I don't want to end up eating too much, and I do like my biggest meal of the day to be at dinner. Dr. Bernadot argues that the body will automatically regulate itself to only eat the same calories it needs to function. Sounds like a plan.

The hard part is going to be eating smaller meals and adding in some snacks. I have decided the best way to do this is:

Elevenses and High Tea.

That's right. Who doesn't need an excuse to eat a scone and some tea in the morning? And then some cucumber sandwiches and a teacake in the afternoon?

Um... No one. That's who.

So, once I make it home it's tome for some changes. What I have been doing was working for awhile(despite the hypothyroidism/Hashimoto's), but now that it isn't, let's try something new!

(Ok... Fine. I'll probably have some fruit and some homemade bread, not a bunch of cakes and cookies... but one can dream, right?)

Also... don't forget about snowflakes and puzzle pieces!

Fundraising and the Adopting Family

I don't know how people do it. I really don't. I know a lot of families make up the funds they need by simply asking for help, but that's not something with which I am particularly comfortable. I feel much better when someone is getting something for their donation--even if it's just a tax deduction. But, we're not a non-profit, so there goes that one (if we move forward, we will be able to collaborate with a non-profit to raise funds... but we have feel comfortable enough moving forward, first). I'm trying to come up with other ways to generate some funds. Here's what I have come up with:

• Publish the novel. Unfortunately, this could take awhile. And, even if I found an agent tomorrow, that agent would have to sell it, and that could take awhile. Then we get into the murky business of advances and royalties and  the fact that generally, royalties are only paid twice a year. So, that could take awhile, too. So, in other words, for book money to come in, we're looking at awhile^3.
• Etsy shop. I'm not much of a craft-person, but I can make baby hair bows and I can crochet. Maybe I'll branch out and make Christmas ornaments.
• The Puzzle Fundraiser--But with a twist. This one is pretty popular with the adoption community--you buy a puzzle, and ask for a donation for each puzzle piece. Most ask for $5-10 a piece. I think we are going to do this, but I am going to get 2 identical puzzles. I'll put the name of the donor on the back of one, and then I will make the identical twin into a magnet or ornament or something to send to the donor. Maybe the magnets will say something clever like "I was a piece in making a family whole."
• Scentsy? I have been told that is an option. I haven't looking into it much, but maybe I will.

S doesn't think we can do it. I think if so many people before us can, why can't we? But then I look at our own failed yard sale, and that's just... argh. It has to look manageable for us to commit. And right now, it isn't looking manageable.

Anyone have any good ideas?










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Head Meet Desk

One of my best friends uses "head/desk" to indicate frustrating situations when social-networking on Facebook. Usually this is preceeded by "Omg, out of wine!" or "I just realized one of my twelve children never returned home on the school bus" or "my child just sent a My Little Pony through the $2000 tv." Recently, I have adopted the "head/desk" to go along with our adoption woes...

I know. Adoption woes. Ugh (head/desk).

It's all very complicated, let me just tell you. As I have mentioned (maybe one other time) before, we have fallen in love with this little girl who needs a family, and we think we could be it. What's holding us back? Money. (head/desk)

We inquired with the agency that works in her region, and they sent us all kinds of wonderful information, including their schedule of fees (which I requested). They have very cleverly made it appear as though the expenses are about 2/3 what they really are... And it isn't that they weren't up front about the other expenses, they just dropped them down to another line because they could vary so much (for example, $600 for a plane ticket in January vs. $3000 for a plane ticket in June). It just gets you a little excited when you see a number about $10,000 less than expected, only to be told "and then add in the cost of your travel." Boo. We need a TLC bride wedding budget, seriously. (head/desk)

And that, people, is why I am so desperately trying to get my book represented and/or published. Which isn't going anywhere fast (head/desk).

Anyway, now that I have a bit of a headache, I am trying to email as many people as I can possibly think of who might have some sort of adoption grant insight. In corresponding with another AOW (Army Officer Wife) who is in the middle of an international adoption, herself, it has come to my attention that most adoption grants (as in 92%) are earmarked for Christian couples... Which we are not (head/desk). I am hoping a rabbi or two can point us into a more... helpful direction, but really, how often does that come up? The military isn't really that much help, and I have very little faith in mankind/my fundraising skillz. (Remember our yard sale? head/desk).

I don't know what we're going to do. Obviously, we can't save her if we can't pay for it, but how can we NOT SAVE HER?!

(head/desk)(head/desk)(head/desk)

And this, my friends, is why it is a good idea to not own a desk.



                                      

I'm On Twitter

I know... It's pathetic. I really don't understand Twitter--the appeal OR how to use it, but I figure it might be a good way to pick up some tips during the agent/publishing house query process. So... Follow me? I guess?

You can either click on the little button to the left, or you can do the easy thing and click this link instead:

Follow @Quartermisses

Today's been a busy day. Last night, S helped me refresh my manual transmission car-driving skills, and while E napped, my mom let me drive her to pick up a new collar for one of her dogs (did I mention I was not in WA? Well... I'm not. And it's glorious!). I am proud of myself: I didn't stall out or squeal the tires once. Success!

After doing some shopping with the madre, I came home and got to polishing my query letter. I have a good friend who used to work for a publishing house who said she would read over it for me before I send it out (in case it wasn't obvious, I will be taking her suggestions to heart before sending it). Wish me luck and speed and all of that! I am nervous--not that I will get a ton of rejections, but that this will take a long time to get an interested agent and/or publisher. I need speed, people, speed!

I feel like it is me against the clock... And I need the clock to take a time out for a few months while I get everything taken care of. Well, that just isn't going to happen, is it? So please, send me the fairy dust. Give me suggestions. ANYTHING!!!

Desperate here.

(Thank you!)

Rethinking Adoption in an Unconventional Way

I don't know why I have been the biggest blog slacker in the history of the world, but I have been. I'd love to blame the fact that I am finishing the last chapter of the novel, but that's been just as slow-going. I blame S and his 3-day weekend--wonderful to have him home and around, but it really messes up my online-routine. My friend Kerry just bought her domain name, something I have been contemplating doing, and I wonder if that would give me the push to be less... douchey about my blogging.

Yesterday, we had our final yard sale; it was also our most lucrative. E and I went to a birthday party, and while we were gone, S brought in about $60. We got back, and he made another $15-ish, bringing our total yard sale earnings somewhere near the $100 mark. I'm a little disappointed--I would have thought we would have done much better, especially with the baby items we had. No one who came by even looked at the two strollers we had, much less the toddler clothes we had with the tags still on. Unused jar candles from Yankee Candle and Bath and Body works? All now at Goodwill. I would have sold them for $1 each, but no one wanted them...

Oh, well. Hopefully, Goodwill will be able to do some good with them, and when I write it off my taxes, I will just put that money in the adoption jar.

Blogger refuses to make this photo right-side-up.... which it is everywhere else. Oh, well... E goes shopping. Ironically, she is doing to with 2 Victoria's Secret bags that were free-with-purchase on Black Friday and were some of the only items we sold (they were tagged as being $75... but... yeah).

 

Having finished up the yard sale, we had some quality adult time after putting E to bed last night. It gave us a chance to talk about adoption, our plans, etc. Part of this came up after S learned some new information pertaining to his own adoption. I'm sure I have mentioned it before, but he was adopted as an "older child" through the foster care system when he was about a year-and-a-half-old. He has an older biological brother and sister who were adopted by a different family, but remained together. We found them about 7 years ago, and they have all struck up a sort of relationship. What little information he knows about his biological family has come from them and the snippets his own parents have released, which isn't much at all. Very recently, the three of them have gained some additional insight into the events that led up to their adoptions, and to say that it was the complete opposite of what everyone believed is a bit of an understatement.

Anyway, that's his story to tell, not mine. I would love for him to write a guest post or two about his own experiences as an adoptee, one with attachment issues, and what it is like to be an adult adoptee... Whatever... But I'm not sure he'll do it. We shall see, shall we not?

Back to my point. So, while talking about it all, I asked if this changed his mind about adoption at all. He said yes; that it made him more certain that he does not want to do a domestic adoption. This came as a surprise to me since only a few hours before he heard "the news," he had said he wished domestic adoption was a more attainable option for us as a military family, since it was how he found his family. I'm not sure what his reasons are for feeling this way, and I don't wish to speculate, but the whole thing has me considering the whole process in a less than glamorous light.

It's easy to get caught up in the idea of  "saving" an orphan. Articles like this one make it easy to forget all of the stuff that led a child to become an "orphan," and that all of that just doesn't "go away" when they are adopted into a new family. Even when a child is as young as a year-and-a-half, their past will come back to "haunt" them, whether it is in a good way or a bad one. Living with S has shown me that, and even then, it's easy to forget. "Saving" a child from a future that is not much of a future is only a small aspect of adding them to a family.

Because the family they had before doesn't just... disappear. If we adopt from Eastern Europe like we plan, it is very likely that child will have other siblings, whether they know it or not. It's very likely their parents will still be alive, that they were released from their biological family for similar reasons as my husband was released from his. It's likely that we will never have much information on that family to give to our child. We'll also be taking them from the only family they are likely to know--the other children and caregivers of their orphanage. And that must only add to all of the fear an anxiety of being an adopted child.

So... yeah. I don't know how to end this.

I'll go with a question... Do I order another Wittlebee Box? Or not? Because I really can't decide...

Money Makes the World Go 'Round

I'm pretty sure that was the title of my "textbook" for economics in college... It either made a huge impression since I remember the name of the book 9 years later, or a bad impression (I am pretty sure I nodded off in that class on more than one occasion... per class meeting) since I remember the name of the book 9 years later... You choose.

I just updated our little "adoption fund" meter over there on the left. Almost $133. On the one hand, that's a lot of money. In fact, that is, give or take some, how much I spend on my major grocery shop on pay day (this includes all dog food, cat food, S's Coke Zero addiction, and staples like pasta, cheese, and a mountain of produce). I can do a lot with $133--fill up my car at the gas pump 4.5 times, buy E an entire wardrobe for a year, do all of my Macy's Black Friday shopping (Macy's gets a lot of business from me... a LOT). But then, at the same time, $133 is not a whole lot. $133 isn't even half my car payment. It's an amount easily blown at Costco. I can't even buy a plane ticket home with $133... It's especially depressingly low when stacked up to the $25,000 goal (try: only a little over half-a-percent!).

It's funny how that works, isn't it?

Either way, we have quite a ways to go, don't we?

This leaves me feeling a little guilty. I follow a few international-adoption-focused blogs, and though I know their aim is not to necessarily make me feel guilty (maybe it is... but I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say it isn't), I do sometimes end up in that place, anyway. It is never the "are you X's mommy/family?" that gets me--and believe me, there is a lot of that, especially with some of the sites that are dedicated to advocating for orphans. Maybe it's something to do with my cold heart, but that one just doesn't get me. But the children do (cue really dramatic, sad music here):

• Jack's story. This one gets me every time.  
• Tania, Jack's mother, has also stepped up to advocate, as well. Her most recent blog also pulls at the heartstrings.
• Kasey's story. I think it speaks for itself.
• Lora of My Camo Kids mentions the other children in her daughter's groupa many times, and it sort of just rips at your heart. 

There are more, I am sure, but these stand out the most to me. I hate that they are so desperate for a family and that so many orphans will probably never have one.  I hate that I fall a little in love with so many of them because of this desperation, and I can't do anything for them but tell other people they exist. I can't help but feel worried that the child we are meant to adopt is already out there, languishing and wishing desperately for a family, and all we have managed to do about it is save $133, $8 of it in pennies.

So, yeah, I feel a little guilty.

And a little pissed off that money makes the world go 'round.

Someone's Missing

You know how a Simpson's episode always starts off with something that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the episode? That's how I am going to play this blog.

Last night, I hit 100,000 words. When I started writing this particular story, my goal was to write something that was 100,000 words, total. Well, I think it's pretty safe to say I am going to exceed that (especially since I currently have 100,013. Oh yeah!). For the longest time, I was convince I would never be able to make it to 100,000 words, but I have done it! I am a little proud of myself, even though I have no idea what is going to happen next (well, I do, but how it's going to happen... well, we'll just have to see what the characters do next, I suppose).

That accomplishment totally reminds me of the fact that we were able to acquire the very last under-30lb life jacket at Costco... That's quite an accomplishment, too, you know (if you didn't get it, I'm going to tell you: this is my horrible attempt at a segue). We needed that life jacket for E, because our friends (and neighbors!) asked us out on their boat this afternoon! We had a blast, and just as I knew he would, as soon as we got in the car to leave, S said "we need a boat."

Well, rest assured, no boats in our near future. I am not averse to getting a boat, especially when we are in the Chesapeake Bay area (in fact, it just might be a requisite to living there!). But we had a really great time, and I know a lot of that has to do with the fact that we were with friends!  We got the kids in the water and did some swimming (E.... not a fan). I was surprised at how un-lake-like the lake actually was (we were out on American Lake, which borders Fort Lewis). It had no lake smell and the water was very clear! We then rode around the perimeter and looked at all of the houses. E loved the wind in her hair--it had me on edge, because she kept trying to stand up to get more. I was continually yelling at her to sit on her bottom. Then they broke out the knee board. The adults all had a go... with the exception of me. After watching everyone else, I recognize that would not be  my shining moment, and they would have to rename the activity "face-boarding," so I declined. But they did talk me into tubing (we doubled up) and that was great, if also excruciating on the hands. Wow!

It really was fun, and I am so thankful we got invited to go. Thanks, M-family!

However, while the boat was skimming through the water, E cuddled up on my lap, wind in our hair, this feeling that someone was missing washed over me (get it... water? wash? Har har.... man, I am so NOT funny. Anyway....). It was like we had forgotten someone, our child--not E, but another one--and she just wasn't there. Like she was somewhere else, just not with us. It made me sad and anxious. Where is she?

She... that's weird, isn't it? I don't know why I thought of a she. It was just the image that I saw (not that there was a face...) and felt. We're missing a little girl somewhere, and after doing some reading these past few night (I know, I am bad!) I am afraid we won't find her or we'll be too late. I'm afraid we will wait too long, dragging our heels waiting for the right time. She could be out there right now, desperately wishing for her mama and papa, while we are talking about everything falling into place for us.

So, if you're someone who hopes or prays or crosses fingers, perhaps you could do that for us? Hope I can finish my book and find a publishing house for it quickly. Hope that we can do that so we can find our girl, wherever she is, and bring her home before it's too late...

Don't Read This

I don't know why,but I have this huge urge to adopt sooner rather than later. I don't know why I feel there is such urgency, other than I feel like our child is out there, and we are just not doing what we are supposed to do to find him or her or them. That sounds so cheesy--believe me, I feel cheesy for writing it. I am not one who really thinks in terms of a higher power pulling the marionette strings or fate intervening or whatever you want to call it. I'm not opposed to that possibility, it's just one of those things that greatly confuses me, leads to philosophical discussions I would rather not debate, and sends me scrambling for the science books. I like science--unfortunately, I am not a huge fan of math, and typically, those two go hand-in-hand. Bummer.

Anyway, I can't explain the emotional draw I have towards adding to our family through international adoption. I can feel myself "looking" for our child[ren], desperate to find him/her/them, and it just isn't happening. And then I begin to wonder if I have in fact found them, and I was just too "blind" to see. I try to take a step back, look at the logistics of the matter--the money, the Army, the paperwork--and at how this will change the family dynamic--mostly how E will be affected, how my day-to-day responsibilities will change. For a few minutes, I get scared off, but then I come around and am right back where I started.

I don't think S understands this. I don't know that I actually understand this, but I rarely understand much of anything when it comes to the crazy/totally rational notions that enter my mind. I told myself I was going to stay away from Reece's Rainbow (and not just because the religious background--even though they are not a religious organization, if that makes any sense whatsoever--but because, well, I knew THIS would happen), but I just couldn't. Every day, I am drawn to their site like kudzu to a lamp post. I make the rounds, see if any new families have committed to one of the many children listed there, pretend not to see the newly listed children link, and then end up there, anyway. I'm not going to lie, there are several that I find myself checking up on. I feel pulled to those children, but i don't know that it's in a I'm-your-parent kind of way. It could be... but it could not be, as well.

Reading through the family profiles (I may have read through them all a time or two), I notice that the parents have an immediate connection to the child they commit to; they know that they have found their child. I haven't had that immediate response. But I also didn't instantly fall into a haze of love and rainbows and white fluffy bunnies when E was born. I loved her, but it took me a couple weeks to fall completely in love with her (if that makes sense). It makes me wonder if I am capable of that love-at-first-sight emotion so many others encounter, or if I am just one of those that has to get to know their someones first...

Either way, it's driving me crazy in a good-anxious, I-wish--knew-what-the-hell-is-happening sort of way.

And the worst part is, because S knows me so well, he won't engage in these conversations with me. Not because he isn't interested, but because he knows that if he allows me to get going, I will not shut up about it. He's smart, but in an incredibly devious kind of way (I am saying this totally tongue-in-cheek for those of you who can't read my tone). I want to talk with him about it 24-7 so badly, but he just gives me that really?-I-am-the-one-who-has-to-be-ridiculously-rational? look, and I have to slink back into my corner.

I don't know where I am going with this... I think I just needed to get it off my chest. So... Yeah.

Baby Fever... Fail

Baby Fever? Yeah. I don't have that, anymore.

This afternoon, we went to a birthday party for one of E's little buddies. It was fun, I think we all had a good time, and I am so glad E is finally getting out to play with little people her own age! She's not so good at it, yet (she and the birthday girl sat next to each other and chattered away for about 2 minutes, and that seems to be the extent of their interactions... Oh, wait, no, E also tried to sit on her friend a couple times. Weirdo).

Anyway, there was a baby-baby there. She is 4 1/2 months old, and super tiny and petite and cute. And she totally did not make me want to have another baby. Maybe it was the spit up or the fact that she couldn't do anything, or say completely ridiculous things... But the baby fever I thought would come sweeping over me... never came.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, I kind of want to want to have another one. We planned that there would be one, we even discussed when. I have kept all of the baby clothes and burp clothes and gear just in case. I am afraid that I will regret not having one when we planned, or that we will get a few years down the road and decide I must have another baby and then we'll have them all spaced out weird (can you tell I am an overly-neurotic planner, yet?). And on the other hand... I'm just not feeling it.

I'm not ruling anything out. I did this before spawning E, too, and it came back... eventually. We (and by we, I mean I) decided we were having fall birthdays, anyway, so I have a few months...

In the meantime, though, I am trying not to let 10-year-old girls with heartbreaking stories steal my heart...

Post #90

Obviously, I have no good titles up my sleeve. Sorry.

I ordered my first Wittlebee box last night! If you have no idea what that is, it's kind of like Birchbox, but for babies/toddlers. Once a month, for $40, they will send you over $100 worth of designer clothing for your little holy terror/sweet adorable munchkin. You will be asked to fill out a style sheet, which helps them coordinate a box that will fit your needs (long sleeves, short sleeves, polka dots, lady bugs... you name it), and then you get a fun little surprise in the mail. I'm excited to see what we get this first month. Now, if you're anything like me, you're probably thing OMAGERHD, $40!?! Yeah... Well, if you use my link, you can get $10 (and I will, too, for subsequent orders!), and if you sign up, they will send you additional coupons. I was able to place my first order for just $19.99. If it's good stuff, I couldn't do much better at Gymboree or Gap (my usual baby store haunts).

I'll let all 4 of you who might care how it goes.

In other news:

• I have a water baby! S got home early, so we took E to the splash park on post. It's kind of like Centennial Olympic Park in Atlanta (for all of you who know what that's like), so there is no standing water, so it gives her some independence in playing in water. We have tried to visit a few times this summer, but today was the first time it was actually warm enough to allow her to let loose. She loved it and we had to drag her away kicking and screaming (literally. kicking and screaming).
• We are learning Russian as a family. E: not interested. S and I are chugging right along, although neither of us are great yet (but, keep in mind, we just started re-learning yesterday). I am really hoping we can get E into it... It would be wonderful if she got even a little bit of another language (or two or three), just so it makes it easier to learn later in life. Besides, aerospace engineers need to know Russian--she's getting a head start. I am wanting to have somewhat of a grasp of the language for when we adopt sometime in the future.
• I need to remember to add the $0.97 S put in the adoption fund jug this evening.
• I have 96,000 words, but I didn't write tonight. I needed a break. I know what's going to happen next, I just have become too consumed by the Olympics to really get anything good down, so I just decided to take a night of rest.
• It's going to be hot here in the Northworst this weekend: we're talking 90 degrees. That's hot in Atlanta where they have air conditioning. I'm going to just go ahead and let you know: if you haven't heard from me in the next couple days, it's probably because I have melted.

Living With E

E is a lot of fun... most of the time. We hit the terrible twos a couple months ago, so we have some days and moments that are less than stellar, but otherwise, she couldn't be any more awesome.

She says some pretty hilarious things.

• "It's a penis!" I have no idea what this is supposed to be, but she usually says it while looking out of and/or pointing to the back picture windows. And quite honestly, I can't help but laugh every time she says it... I am fairly certain I have never burst out with "it's a penis!" so where she picked it up... complete mystery.
• "Do you ya-ya?" We call her grandmother "ya-ya," and I frequently ask her "Do you want to call Ya-Ya?" She has shortened this to mean "give me the damn phone, woman, I need to call my fan club." (The "do you" thing works for all kinds of things: water (wa-wa), juice (joos), shoes (soos), just to name a few).
• "Good kiss/Good kisses!" When she gives one of us a kiss, or her stuffed kitty, "Kitty," or her babydoll, "Bebies," we always tell her "good kiss!" She now praises anyone when they give her a kiss. With extreme seriousness.
• Her new favorite: "Coookies." It almost sounds like the cartoon from the cookie crisp commercials (remember, coooookie crisp!). Any time I go to open the kitchen cabinet that houses the plates (where I put the cookies.... I really need a cookie jar, lol), she asks for one, points, and does a little dance.

She does some pretty hilarious things.

• She would kill to get to "push" the garage door clicker.
• She also goes crazy over getting to flush the toilet. Right now, we are working on letting that be her "reward" for using her potty.
• Last Christmas, some friends gave her a play set of plates, flatware, cups, glasses, etc. She sets the dining room table with them and demands that daddy sit down and "eat" from them.
• She has a shoe fetish.
• She yells at the dogs when it's time for them to go out. She even singles them out by name when they aren't cooperating.
• Her mission in life is to ensure all doors are closed.
• She's a seat thief.

Some other random things that prove she is awesome:

• Loves Lego's. She can build things for hours... and demand that someone build with her.
• Huge fan of books. Sometimes she'll even sit through the whole thing before she goes to get another one. And when she doesn't want to be read to, she "reads" to herself.
• Not interested in tv. She has stopped long enough in the last few days to catch some of the Olympics, but otherwise, she could care less.
• Her favorite toy is a Jelly Cat kitty. His name is "kitty."
• She knows where everything, and I mean everything goes/belongs. If she finds something out of place, she puts it back away... This is both adorable and annoying as hell.
• She has a fascination with buckles... Loves to click things together. Puzzles, it would seem, are her thing.
• She'll eat anything. Green peppers, broccoli, potatoes, fish, shrimp, you name it, she'll eat it. She will not, however, eat anything we are not eating. This means if I want her to eat a sandwich, I had better be eating one, too.

She's waking up, so I have to cut this short.

But in other news, we have over $100 int he adoption fund! Just over 0.4%!!!

Selling the Yard

We have almost half a percent of what we will need to adopt. Yey!

Or... er... wow.

Anyway, I think we're also going to have a yard sale. Not because we think it will pull in a lot for the adoption fund (maybe we will double what we have!), but because I am desperately hoping we will PCS in the near-ish future, and we have GOT to get rid of some stuff. I'm just no longer "into" keeping around things we got when we were first married and have yet to use. Or two irons... Why are we keeping around two irons?! I can honestly say the one I took to college with me was used... once at most. I don't need two rice cookers, I don't need five million plastic white bins (thanks, S), and I don't need fifty pounds worth of Yankee Candles I have never once burned.

It's time for them to go.

Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of furniture to get rid of... And that seems to be the big crowd pleaser at a yard sale. We've been pretty good about keeping that to a minimum (ish). So, S sent an email to our neighborhood organizer guy and asked if anyone else was planning on having a yard sale in the near future. And if he knows of anyone who has a "Goodwill" pile who wouldn't mind donating it to us first for the adoption fund. If we can't sell it, we'll take it to Goodwill for them.

I'm also writing every night for at least 1,000 words in hopes of finishing up my damn book! As of this moment, I have just under 90,000 words and my original goal was 100,000. I am going to have to increase that by quite a bit, but I am hoping I can have it finished by the end of September at the very latest. Then, query letters are going out. I am extremely nervous about that portion of the whole process, as I know absolutely no one who has had success in this particular area. I'm hoping the whole been published before thing helps, but I am guessing that won't really help my case much... Maybe I should mention that any money I make from it will go to my adoption?

No?

Didn't think so.

So, that's where we are with that.

Planes Over My Hammy, Weird Smiles, and My Sad Mental State: Welcome to Thursday

This morning, we were rudely awakened by the sonic booming of fighter jets.

Okay, maybe we were already awake... But still, it was quite the shock.

You see, we live very near the Air Force Base... Well, technically, it's no longer an AFB because McChord AFB and Fort Lewis were consolidated into Joint Base Lewis-McChord a few years back. Aka JBLM... Or if you ask my husband, "Jiblam." Anyway, we're so close, we can hear the playing of Taps at the end of the day (we can hear the other stuff, too, I just have no idea what it is they play at 1700 and I am not awake for reveille... Dear lord, I had better not be awake for reveille). So, you see, we're used to the occasional flight formation training taking place up above (we also get a fair amount of Blackhawks, Chinooks, and C130s, but they are much, much quieter). However, this morning was different. This morning it did not stop. They were crazy loud, and had the dogs freaking the freak out, so we had to leave. E and I went for a walk, which was actually pretty fun, because we could really see them in action.

Later, come to find out, there is an air show this weekend.... HUGE surprise to me, since I was sure the air show was back in June. Oops. Well, I'm actually pretty excited to find out I didn't, in fact, miss it, and I think we are going to try to go, S's schedule permitting.

And while all of that is incredibly exciting, it certainly takes the back seat to what really set this day on it's ear: E chipped her top, left, front tooth.

I was mopping--never happens--and she was happily cleaning the top of our "coffee table" (it's an old steamer trunk) with baby wipes she swiped. The next thing I know, she's in the bathroom flushing the toilet (her new favorite activity), so I tell her to go sit down (in angry mom tone) and turn back around to finish the last corner of the kitchen.

Crash, bang, lots of screaming. I get to her, and she's flat on her face on the hardwood floor. I pick her up, assess the damage, but all I can see if the blood from where she bit her tongue. We have some water, calm down, cuddle with her favorite stuffed animal, and then I see it... or, rather, don't see it: the corner of her tooth... or lack thereof.

I, of course, immediately freak out and wonder what the hell I am supposed to do; do I take her to the ER? Do I call the pediatrician? We don't have a dentist here, yet (oops), so I am at a complete loss. Naturally, I do what any first-time mom does, and I call my husband and cry. A lot. He gets me to calm down enough that I call a local pediatric dentist and schedule an appointment for them to look at the tooth.

And then the other shoe drops... Either we messed up and didn't enroll her with dental coverage when we enrolled me (it's separate from regular Tricare), or they messed up and didn't add her. Either way, she has no dental coverage, and won't until August 1 when they fix the situation. Dollar signs begin to flash in my head, and I can just see our entire savings account down the tube.

Fortunately for us (and unfortunately for the tooth), there is nothing they can or really want to do about it, so we're only out the cost of a dental check-up. It turned out to be a relatively harmless $61--they had prepared us for $84 just for the "emergency evaluation of a single tooth," but someone somewhere took pity on us, and we eeked out just under the cost of a dinner out to Outback (super expensive... I totally make a better steak at home, too, and for so much less money!). I feel so bad, I have vowed never to mop the floor again. I know, it's a real sacrifice, but it's for the safety of my family.

My poor baby :-(.

This whole episode only served to remind me how little money we actually "have." I mean, we're making it, and we save pretty consistently, we are able to pay all of our bills, clothe ourselves and E, buy groceries, but there isn't a whole lot left over for extras... Now, this is completely a self-imposed limit on funds. When S got promoted, we started doubling the payments we made towards our car in an attempt to pay it off early (4 years early, I might add), but it's a good practice... You know, pretending we don't have money we actually do have. I also started saving twice as much of his paycheck, as well. Good stuff, but totally makes me feel like we have no money (which we don't... because it's gone. And the savings account counts).

Anyway, in freaking out about how I will pay the thousands of dollars of dental work E will need ($61!!!! $61!!!!!), I realize how hopeless the whole adoption thing is. Which really isn't the conclusion I want to come to, since I go check on the darling little girl's status about twenty times a day (also, I have to go back and change "my" to "the"... bad times, guys. Bad times). It's terrible and I know I shouldn't do it, but I do anyway: I type in Reece's Rainbow's URL, and hold myself back from entering her "name" into the search box. Instead, I go see if anyone else has found their forever family, read through the newly listed children, and then seek her out. And even then, I'm not sure if I feel relieved she hasn't found another family or incredibly saddened that she hasn't found another family.

I'm not sure what this says about me, but I have a feeling whatever it is isn't good...

Mom Moments

Moms, ever heard of Wittlebee?? It sounds like fun! I am debating about whether or not I am going to order next month... If you're interested, follow the link and we can both get some credits!

Speaking of momming it up, I'm struggling a little bit here. At least in the family planning aspect. I find myself incredibly confused about what I want the "family plan" to be over the next few years, and I feel like that decision needs to be made. And soon.

After E was born, the plan was to wait 2 years, try again, and hope for another Autumn birthday. I was down with that plan up until about, oh... 3, 4 months ago. All of a sudden, I am not feeling the getting pregnant thing. I'm not excited about having another newborn, or losing my body (half-fixed as it is), and going through all of the health issues that followed the last pregnancy. I'm not excited about a million wake-ups and feedings and the whining... Oh dear pepper-poppers, the whining.

And I'm excited about adopting. But I'm not sure if that is because I am excited about adopting, or just not excited about all of that crap I listed above. Against my better judgement, I seem to have gotten hooked by the picture of a little girl orphaned somewhere in Eastern Europe. Unfortunately for me, I followed one too many blog links, saw her picture, and just want to be able to give her a hug. A real hug. I look at her list of issues and find myself saying "I could take that on," when really, a sane person would be talking themselves out getting caring for a small child with those physical needs.

Last night, I may have gone a little insane and asked my husband if we could swing it. Now, normally, I would say he's the more emotional of the two of us. I'm always very methodological about the decisions I make, whereas he's more of a go-with-your-gut sort. However, when it comes to the underdog, I usually fling all of that out the window... which is how I ended up with three dogs and a cat (damn you, animal shelters!). His response, of course, was "we don't have $25,000." Which is true. We don't have a spare $25,000 lying around. And what little money we do have stashed away is earmarked for other things. Well played, reason. Well played.

So, I pouted for awhile, looked at her pictures some more, and dreamed about her half of the night. The other half of the night, I dreamed about E. And when I woke up, I felt a little reluctance at letting someone else--anyone else--take any of my time away from her. Perhaps for selfish reasons--OMG, there could be two of them!--and perhaps for the same unselfish reasons parents the world 'round go through when they begin to plan for another child. I'm not sure what it is or what I want or why everything has changed so suddenly.

Part of me wants to say "to hell with the plan," get on the phone, and contact the adoption agency at the top of the list and get this show on the road. If we were to do that, we could probably get it done before it will interfere with Captain's Career Course (wherever that may be...). I just can't see the Army saying "Yeah, take 3 weeks off of school for personal reasons! We'd love that!", so any adoption plan would have to come after he finished it (right?).... And that could be 2-3 years down the road. Another part of me wants to just say "okay, the plan has been the plan for awhile. You made those decisions for a reason, stick to it." Who knows, maybe I'll get the baby fever, again, and all of this worry will be superfluous. And part of me wants to say "to hell with it all."

It's like I am being pulled by my arms and a leg, and the leg I am left to stand on is getting a cramp. Pretty soon, I'm going to fall on my ass and it isn't going to be pretty.



As an aside, I have been thinking about adding ads to my page to generate a little extra adoption mullah... Thoughts?

Get Ready People! It's Almost Time to Celebrate!

'Cause we have $49.39 in the adoption fund! Yes, folks, that's $0.61 away from a whopping $50. Or, for those of you who are percentage whores: an exact 0.2%.

Free thermometers

to track your green fundraisers

Putting it this way, just makes it seem all that much more pathetic.

Anyway...

I have somehow gotten sucked into an Australian teen drama called Dance Academy. I needed something to watch the other day, and it was suggested on Netflix... Not that I am entirely sure why it was suggested on Netflix. S has been watching buttloads of Psych, and most of my Netflix watching has been period British dramas.

Also: I need to remember that E must go down for her nap around the same time every day... otherwise, she'll never sleep and she becomes a complete mess.

So much for an hour of adult time...

The Extreme Art of Re-Purposing

The blog... Still under construction. But, we'll just consider it one of those minor construction jobs like when a road crew repaves or a building gets a new coat of paint. Much less severe than, say, taking a wrecking ball to a building and then starting over from scratch.

But, the blogging can still go on even if the windows are being washed (yeah... I really need to stop trying to make construction analogies).

A few days ago, I announced that we have officially started our adoption fund. At the time, we had $41.39, but I think the amount is now closer to $46.48(give or take some change). In case you were wondering, the fund looks something like this:

Crafting at its finest

I'm oddly proud of my empty, washed-out iced tea jug. We actually had the idea to take some of the leftover chalkboard paint from one of our DIY projects (blog to follow... if we ever finish the last 10%!) and paint a little square on there so we can manually keep count. If nothing else, it might cut back on the number of times I dump all those coins on the living room floor and count them by hand (tons of fun at midnight, by the way).

However, I'm also feeling a little... overwhelmed. The task of raising somewhere upwards of $25,000 is a daunting task, especially when you're sitting at $45.39. In case you were wondering, that's somewhere in the realm of 0.2%. As in: no where near 1%. This was put into huge perspective when I read Lora's post this afternoon. (For her full site, click the My Camo Kids button on the right!)

And here's one of the reasons why (warning, this made me cry for about 10 minutes straight... so, viewers beware):

I'm really not sure where to go from here. I mean, obviously, I am going to continue to drop dimes (and pennies, nickles, quarters, dollar bills...) into my pathetic plastic jug, and maybe in about five years, I will have raised enough to get a home study done. I'm seriously considering having a yard sale and sticking whatever money we make doing that into the adoption bottle, but it seems like a lot of work for the very limited amount of stuff I want to get rid of (it would be nice to get that stuff out of my garage, though! And it needs to happen before the next PCS, because I am not hauling it back across the country).

If you have any fundraising ideas that don't scream "pathetic!" and "You're-getting-way-ahead-of-yourself!" please let me know...

$41.39

That's the amount that currently exists in the adoption fund.