Communication is Key

When S was deployed in 2006, we had amazing communication. I wrote him at least 2 letters a day, usually more. We emailed, instant and video messaged (these were the days before Skype, so it was on horrible, yahoo or Aim chats), and talked on the phone everyday. He bought an Iraqi cell phone, and my parents added an international calling plan to their service (did I mention I was living with them and commuting to Georgia Tech at the time?); I was able to call him to wake him up in the mornings, and he could call me before he went to bed in the evening (if there were no communication blackouts, that is). We talked all. The. Time. I used to joke that it is what kept us together, but as more and more of the other couples in his unit began to break apart, that may have rung true.

We're still pretty fantabulous, but not like we were, then. Then, we survived on communicating well with one another. As we've moved to adjusting to him back in the US, adjusting living with one another, adjusting to him leaving the Army to become a student, moving into our own house, graduating, getting a big girl job, graduate school, becoming a family... that ability to communicate that way has been tested. It's sometime much harder to actually talk to someone, especially when letters and email and instant messages have defined the way two people "talk" to one another for so long.

The first time I think we struggled--really struggled-- to communicate was about six weeks after he returned from Iraq. He had flown home to Georgia for the holidays, and we were driving back to Oklahoma to end [his] terminal service (ETS). I'm not going to lie: I was in a funk. I am still not sure what was wrong with me, but I was having a very difficult time with the transition. Perhaps part of it was the fact that we left for Oklahoma the morning of December 26. Perhaps it was missing out on "key holiday time" with my family to spend fourteen hours in the car to go stay with people I didn't really know. Or perhaps it was fear, that, for the first time, we were going to be living--actually living--together. We had been married for a year and a half, and the most time we had ever spent together at once was 2 weeks. And I found I couldn't really talk to my husband, and I didn't know why.

Eventually, we were able to get through that. And a couple years later, we were enjoying the best communication of our relationship. We had recently moved into our first house (yes, we lived with my parents for quite awhile--a combination of being poor college students and the fact that S wasn't receiving half of his education fund, which led to 2 years of appeals processes), and were able to exist comfortably. I can't remember how it started, but we began just sitting outside that summer and spring, sipping on Scotch Whisky while S smoked a cigar. We talked for hours, about everything, and it was probably the healthiest our marriage has ever been. We were completely in-tune with one another, and it was pretty awesome.

Then there was a commissioning, the Basic Officer Leadership Course (BLOC), a baby, moving cross-country, hypothyroidism. The wires slowly met a disconnect, and communicating with S has become less seamless than it once had been. Don't worry, we're still pretty fantastic at talking with one another, but it seems less... natural. More forced. And I find that sometimes, I just don't know what to say--or how to say it, perhaps--like I did a few years ago.

It's not bad, it's just frustrating. I am trying to figure out how to get back to "that place"--the one we had when he was deployed, and again a few years later. I'm not really up for recreating a deployment, but I would love to recreate late-night chat time. I am hoping now that his unit's mission is over for the summer and the Olympics have officially come to a close, we will be able to have some real adult conversation time once E goes to bed. I think we have a lot to talk about, a lot that I am holding back because I just don't know how to go about saying (maybe I can draw pictures!), and it needs to come out!

Post #90

Obviously, I have no good titles up my sleeve. Sorry.

I ordered my first Wittlebee box last night! If you have no idea what that is, it's kind of like Birchbox, but for babies/toddlers. Once a month, for $40, they will send you over $100 worth of designer clothing for your little holy terror/sweet adorable munchkin. You will be asked to fill out a style sheet, which helps them coordinate a box that will fit your needs (long sleeves, short sleeves, polka dots, lady bugs... you name it), and then you get a fun little surprise in the mail. I'm excited to see what we get this first month. Now, if you're anything like me, you're probably thing OMAGERHD, $40!?! Yeah... Well, if you use my link, you can get $10 (and I will, too, for subsequent orders!), and if you sign up, they will send you additional coupons. I was able to place my first order for just $19.99. If it's good stuff, I couldn't do much better at Gymboree or Gap (my usual baby store haunts).

I'll let all 4 of you who might care how it goes.

In other news:

• I have a water baby! S got home early, so we took E to the splash park on post. It's kind of like Centennial Olympic Park in Atlanta (for all of you who know what that's like), so there is no standing water, so it gives her some independence in playing in water. We have tried to visit a few times this summer, but today was the first time it was actually warm enough to allow her to let loose. She loved it and we had to drag her away kicking and screaming (literally. kicking and screaming).
• We are learning Russian as a family. E: not interested. S and I are chugging right along, although neither of us are great yet (but, keep in mind, we just started re-learning yesterday). I am really hoping we can get E into it... It would be wonderful if she got even a little bit of another language (or two or three), just so it makes it easier to learn later in life. Besides, aerospace engineers need to know Russian--she's getting a head start. I am wanting to have somewhat of a grasp of the language for when we adopt sometime in the future.
• I need to remember to add the $0.97 S put in the adoption fund jug this evening.
• I have 96,000 words, but I didn't write tonight. I needed a break. I know what's going to happen next, I just have become too consumed by the Olympics to really get anything good down, so I just decided to take a night of rest.
• It's going to be hot here in the Northworst this weekend: we're talking 90 degrees. That's hot in Atlanta where they have air conditioning. I'm going to just go ahead and let you know: if you haven't heard from me in the next couple days, it's probably because I have melted.

Olympic Thoughts

In the event that anyone cares what has been running through my head this Olympics, I have a treat for you:

• Every time I see a pool, I smell chlorine.
• How did I ever swim competitively??? It just so isn't me!
• Russian [female] gymnasts have much more attractive bodies than American gymnasts. They are prettier to watch, too.
• I wonder if they serve popcorn at the Olympics?
• I am pretty sure they use Morgan Freeman to narrate commercials because they all. make. me. cry!
• Women's basketball fashion could really learn something from women's volleyball fashion.
• My husband is going to have to start swimming competitively... I always forget how attractive that "look" is. A speedo and a uniform? Um... yes.
• I'm going to be watching a lot of NBC this fall/winter/spring.
• I feel really old.
• I really wish I had learned how to fence. And arch (arch? Is that what you call competing in archery? Clearly I need to learn the terminology because I take up this sport). And I wish I had gotten into rowing... They had a club at Georgia Tech, and did I get involved? No. I suck.
• Nathan Adrian is not only from this part of Washington, but his mom threatened him with the same things mine did if I quit swimming. It must be a common mom thing.
• What is with the weird see-through piece on the women's bathing suits in swimming?
• My husband should have been British and joined their Army... Because then, after 20 years, he could apply to be a Beefeater! (mmm... Beefeater).
• I'm pudgy. Well, I knew that already, but damn the Olympics for reminding me of this fact (in related news, I have been prescribed an increase in thyroid meds... Go thyroid meds, go!).
• I always cheer for the home team if "our guys" aren't competing (or if they are, I want the home team to get second, hehe).
• I'm retiring to the UK. Or at least getting a vacation home there. End of story.

Red, White, and Blue

If you are watching the Olympics at all, one thing that will becoming abundantly clear: citizens of the US do not hold the monopoly on red, white, and blue.

It definitely makes me feel better about my "red, white, and blue" kitchen... Totally not on purpose, I just really like blue, and red makes a pretty fantastic contrast color. Couple that with the fact that I am totally disinterested in painting my kitchen (it came white, and white it shall stay), and I have a patriotic kitchen...

...Only problem is, I find that a little problematic. I'm not against other people going all U-S-A on their food preparation area, I just feel it's a little overdone, especially around the military community. Everyone seems to have one room that is dedicated to Americana, and the kitchen is no stranger to this phenomenon. It's something I have desperately trying to resist for several years now, and it's been a losing battle.

Thankfully, the Olympics came along and saved me. No longer do I have to consider my cook space a shrine to the stars and stripes, I can choose any one of the many other countries who wave red, white, and blue colors: South Korea, France, Russia, United Kingdom... Personally, I'm a little partial to the Union Jack, but I'm open to others, as well.

Done