Sunday, April 29, 2012

You Know You're an Army Wife When...

I know there are about 500 of these lists creeping around the internets... And while most of them are true, they are also A) super sappy, B) overly-patriotic, C) trying too hard, D) not written by me, or E) all of the above. So, I have decided to put together a list that isn't sappy, overly-patriotic, trying... AT ALL, and totally written by me. Enjoy.

  1. You're in mental anguish when someone calls a Marine, Sailor, Airman, etc "soldier." That's dumb, I know, but I'm pretty sure a fireman would be pissed if I called him an EMT... So, we're just going to leave it at that.
  2. You pass thunder off as artillery. Apparently it's been storming here (which it rarely does, by the way), but I just figured the field artillery was at it, again. Woops.
  3. You'd prefer your husband smell to washing his uniform. Velcro is not cool and it helps NO ONE!
  4. You know that ACUs have a distinct smell, despite being newly clean. (Not even Febreeze can make it go away...)
  5. You call the Air Force Base "Post." Even though you just bitched about someone calling your soldier a Marine and threatened to call a fireman an EMT. (Dammit).
  6. You make "words" out of acronyms (AHRN is pronounced A-hern, BOLC is pronounce Bullock, the PX is the Pix, etc).
  7. Your husband has just as many, if not more, pairs of colored socks than you do. And he owns more hats than you. And he always wears a necklace. His clothing is always coordinated...You know what, your husband has more accessories than you do and he's more put together. Just forget trying; jeans and a sweatshirt--that's all you really need.  
  8. You quit watching Army Wives after season 2... Aside from that fact that those women would never have that kind of relationship in a million years, you know that for it to even be in the same realm as accurate, the whole cast would have been replaced by new characters by now. That, and it's sappy. And overly-patriotic. And not written by me.
  9. A 12-hour work day means your husband is coming home early. (Dinner before 7?! YESSS!)
  10. If you're husband is enlisted, you know that his job description includes cutting the grass outside the unit with scissors. And if he is an officer, he mostly likely spends a large portion of his day making power point slides.
  11. You need a whole closet in your house just to store "unit paraphenalia." T-shirts, sweat-shirts, coasters, coffee mugs, beer glasses... All with unit crests and motos plastered all over them... And from units your husband has not been a member of for over 5 YEARS!
  12. You know that mandatory fun events can only be held in extreme weather. Someone better have hypothermia or heat stroke at the end of the day, or it wasn't "fun"...
  13. ...
I miss anything? I'm sure I did. Just let me know, and I'll add it!


  1. This may be the very first of this kind of list that I liked. :) God, the sappy ones make me wanna pull an Oedipus.

    (...the stabbing the eyes thing, not the incest thing.)

  2. Haha, glad it was better than most. And I am also glad you don't want to go kung fu-incest on your mother ;-)

  3. We just say the letters PX. And I love Army Wives! Yes, I do realize that after five seasons {or is it 6} they shouldn't still be on the same base, but I still love the sappiness. Ü

    1. We say PX a lot, too. But they are now all "Exchanges" (new in the last 6 months or so), so it has to turn into "x"... Very sad