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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Why I Shouldn't be Allowed to Watch HGTV

I'm a huge fan of House Hunters and House Hunters International (I also love Income Property, but not for the reasons you would think... Who knew a Canadian could be so attractive *wink, wink*). I actually really like the International version better, but I'll take what I can get. HGTV, The Food Network, and TLC are usually my summer fare; there's just never anything else on in the summer (most of the time), and I am one of those sad individuals who always have the television on--I don't usually watch it, but I like having the noise.

Anyway, since I have been at my parents and don't have my usual stash of horrible television to watch via DVR during the day (if you read my post about My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, you know I am an unbiased DVR-er), I have been lounging around watching House Hunters and House Hunters International while they are working and E is napping. Not really the right season for me, but hey--it's as warm here as it ever is in the Pacific Northworst--I have a good imagination. I can pretend.

However, I should probably get back to my original point: Why I shouldn't be allowed to watch these shows.

Why? Because then I go house shopping.

It's really pretty ridiculous, but it gives me something to do while I mentally groan over the house hunters' decisions (let me give you a hint: they're usually wrong). I map out all of the installations to which we could be sent, do a BAH calculation, and go crazy on Zillow.com. I make mental checklists as I go:
  • What will our mortgage be?
  • Will we be able to rent this out when we move next?
  • Is this a "me" house or is it a "rental" house
  • How far to post?
  • How much will have to be done to it?
  • How much will renovations cost me?
  • How much painting/wallpaper-ripping would I have to do? <--this is so super important, it doesn't get categorized with what will have to be done to it.
I'd like to remind you: we have at least another 18 months in my own personal hell.

It's gotten worse, too. I now have a list of "favorites" that I have saved to my account. Like I have a reason to believe those houses will even still be around in 2 years. I'm like those girls who post wedding stuff on pinterest.com and don't have a boyfriend, much less a proposal. I'm the girl who goes house shopping for a house in a place in which she will probably never set foot. Yes, Zillow.com has become my house-pinterest. I have an odd mix of highly-rentable-yet-sort-of-cookie-cutter, omg-that's-just-cool-and-has-deeded-beach-access, and historical-monstrosities-that-need-hundreds-of-thousands-of-dollars-of-renovation-but-only-have-asking-prices-of-twelve-thousand-dollars houses.

But, to let you in on a little secret--most of them are all in the Fort Lee, VA and Fort Eustis, VA areas (E and I will just have to live in Colonial Williamsburg for the next several years. Because I love it that much).

Anyway, if my impulsive "pinning" isn't bad enough, I have even started looking across the pond.... Okay, fine, you're right, I was doing that, anyway, but I was looking at unreasonable I-will-win-the-lottery-and-own-you  palaces.... Not anything that I would actually ever live in as a mewling peasant. I kid you not, I just looked up Overseas Housing Allowances (OHA) and Cost of Living Allowances (COLA) for every Royal Air Force Base (RAF) in the United Kingdom... and then went shopping.

I mean, WTF, me?

... I did find a few places I really liked, though... Well, for Britain. If those houses had been here in the United States, I would have wondered what the hell people were thinking.

So, I have a list of places in which I could live in the one places in the entire world the Army will most likely never send us.

...

I really need a new hobby. Maybe I'll start collecting taxidermied mice wearing clothing. Oh, wait... Someone beat me to that one.

7 comments:

  1. Bwaha, Bloggess reference. I think house shopping is awesome. Nothing to be ashamed of.

    Also, I really wish Missy would take naps or something so I could watch more FN/HGTV/DIY shows. The only one I bother to record is Good Eats, because I just don't have the time. I'm one of those tv-all-the-time people too. I just can't stand a silent house.

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  2. Good Eats is Alton Brown, right? Obviously I have no idea what that show is called because I just call it "The Alton Brown Show."

    BTW, his fantastic ass lives like 5 minutes from my parents.

    I try not to watch too much food network. It just reminds me how fat I am. Fortunately, houses don't have the same effect. Yet.

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    1. Hehe, yeah that's Alton.

      Also, if I lived 5 minutes from his fantastic ass, I think I'd get arrested for stalking.

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    2. I always watch for him at the grocery store (the store he films a lot of the grocery store stuff is the only one of its kind, so I know where it is and LOVE it) but I have yet to find him there :-(

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    3. I would LIVE at that store. Also, it does look like the best grocery store ever made.

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    4. It's pretty fantastic, and it's not even as good as it used to be. Whole Foods bought it about 10 years ago, but before that, it was amazing. They made tons of wonderful breads and pastries and all of the fruits and vegetables were organic from local farmers. They had a ginormous international section--which is still pretty impressive, just not as much so. Still awesome, though.

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  3. I LOVE Zillow. And I agree, ripping wallpaper is it's own category. As is ripping carpet. When we were looking for a house, those were the two things I REFUSED to have to do. SO lucky we found a house in which they replaced the carpet and painted the walls. We didn't have to do A THING.

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