Thursday, March 29, 2012

This is Where I Prove I Am a Liar

I know I said I was going to try to keep this upbeat, but you'll have to forgive me for a slip every once in awhile. I'm having a little freak-out session and have the urge to try to calm down via writing.

The last few months, I have been experiencing this lump-in-throat sensation. It comes and goes, but lately it seems to be around more often than before. I've mentioned it to my primary care doctor, as well as the endocrinologist in the past, but only this week has either decided to investigate (to be fair, the PCM referred me to the endocrinologist at first. When I showed up in his office still complaining about the lump feeling and the endocrinologist, he gave me s referral to an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist and a new endocrinologist). This afternoon, the ENT office called to schedule an appointment for me, which prompted me to go on a massive Google search...

... Which has me terrified that I have esophageal cancer. Which is essentially a death sentence.

Fortunately, I don't have any of the symptoms (except for weight loss, but I have been desperately trying to lose weight... But, then, why all of a sudden would it start working when it didn't before? See why this is tricky?). Unfortunately, early stages don't really show any symptoms. So, I could have cancer.

And, as you would guess, resulted in lots of crying, text messages to my husband asking him when he could come home, and forcing the toddler to sit on my lap while I thought about the possibility of missing her grow up.

I need a bottle of wine.

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